So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize