I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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