Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
