i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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