my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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