i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
