How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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