can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
