DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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