a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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