We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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