My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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