it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
