i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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