We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
