she looked like the before picture.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
