this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
