sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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