you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
