Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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