Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
