I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
