i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize