i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize