sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
