$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
