dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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