I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
