Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
