My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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