Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize