I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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