WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
