I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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