Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
