Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
