Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
