I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
