i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
