I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
