yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize