just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
