please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
