So drunk its hurt
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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