Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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