And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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