Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
