Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
