Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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