I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
