Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
