im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
