You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
