So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
