Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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