I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
