Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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