I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
