I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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