If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
