God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
