I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
