alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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