i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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