i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
